Random Acts of Stupidity
by Maruaderette
Summary: One day, while she should have been paying attention to her math teacher, a girl had an idea, she has now posted. May heaven, or whatever you believe in, save us all.
1. Strawberries

**Disclaimer: If wishes were fishes, I'd need a fish tank.**

Ron Weasley didn't like strawberries. The little seeds would often get caught in his teeth and, thanks to Fred and George; he had spent a very long afternoon as the accused fruit at age nine. So, one winter morning during in fifth year when Ron found the only pancakes the house elves were serving had strawberries mixed in, he refused to eat.

Ron's willpower lasted for all of six minutes, and then with a soft whimper of defeat, the redhead began to shovel eggs in his mouth as if he had never eaten in his life. He only slowed his pace from 'how in the name of Merlin is he not choking' to 'watch your fingers if you would like to keep them' when a sweet aroma reached his nose.

"What is that?" He asked sniffing the air slightly.

Hermione, who had just sat down, answered him, "My mum sent me some new shampoo. Do you like it?"

Ron nodded, "It suits you and I don't think I've ever smelled something so good. What kind is it?"

"Muggle," Hermione's cheeks had taken a pink tint, "It has perfume in it. Strawberries and cream, it's my favorite type."

Ron nodded and stared at Hermione a while longer, she didn't seem to notice. Harry sighed, and then returned to his sausage. The rest of breakfast was in silence. Ron slipped something into his pocket, nobody noticed.

Later that day, when Harry and Ron were on their way to divination, Ron began to fish through his robe pocket. After a moment, he pulled out a bright red strawberry and popped it into his mouth. "I thought you hated them," Harry said gesturing to the fruit.

His friend smiled dreamily and bit into another one, "Nah, I think they're the best. Want one?"

Harry didn't reply he was having an internal battle on whether or not locking Ron and Hermione in a broom closet until they finally kissed would get him in trouble. _I'll give them to the end of the year, _he thought as he climbed the ladder_, Then I'll have to take matters into my own hands and relieve all this bloody tension before one of them explodes._

**A/N: Some of you may be wondering why, instead of updating Daddy Dearest I decided to put this up, the answer is simple: I have a short attention span. I work much better when I have two projects going at once, so I can bounce from one to another. Seems weird, but that's how I roll. **

**Till next time,**

**M.**


	2. Dinner is Growing Cold

**Disclaimer: I'm not JK, are you? No, I didn't think so. Unless you are in which I have to ask, Tonks and Remus? Did you pull that out of a hat? Also, this includes slash of the Sirius and Remus variety.**

Remus Lupin sat quietly in the library at Number Twelve Grimmauld Place. Rain hit the window in a smooth rhyme, _pit-pat-pit-pat._ Turning a page in his thick book, he sighed. The children had all left for Hogwarts yesterday, leaving the house with an empty feeling.

Arthur and Molly would be leaving to return to their home at The Burrow in two day's time. Then, it would only be Sirius and himself in the big house, if you didn't count the hippogriff, Buckbeak.

And Kreacher, but Remus didn't like thinking of the house elf that had become senile in his old age. It was bad enough he would sometimes wake up and see Kreacher standing next to his bed, just glaring reproachfully.

"Remus, Sirius, dinner will be ready soon!" Molly's voice floated up from the kitchen floors below.

Sirius, who had fallen asleep on the couch, muttered something and adjusted himself so he was almost in Remus' lap. Smiling, the werewolf shook the dark-haired man's shoulder, "Get up, love. Dinner is almost ready, you'll have to get off me."

No response, Remus pursed his lips. Sirius shouldn't miss any meals, though he no longer resembled a skeleton, he was much too thin for Molly or Remus' liking, "Get up Sirius. You may not be hungry, but I am," As if to make a point, the brunette's stomach growled viciously.

"You're rather comfy, you know that right Remus?" Sirius asked sleepily as he buried his face in his lover's side, inhaling the familiar scent, "Chocolate and books. I should've known."

"Known what?"

"My dear, you smell like chocolate, books, and," Sirius shifted and then rested his head on Remus' shoulder, "I don't know. I don't recognize the scent. It's like this big mix of things, but it smells wonderful."

"Really?" Remus murmured as Sirius began to nuzzle his neck like Padfoot sometimes would.

Sirius paused for a moment, "Yes, I can't really explain it. It just smells like…you. Warm and nice and kind of delicate. You aren't wearing cologne are you?"

Remus' fingers worked their way into Sirius' hair as the nuzzling continued, "You know I don't wear cologne. The only time I wore it was at James and Lily's wedding, even then you said you hated it. 'Sides I got no one to impress other than you and Buckbeak."

The animagus slowly sat up, "Molly would kill us if we don't go to dinner. She thinks we're too thin."

"We are," Remus replied "But it's still bad that you've become the voice of reason. Judgment Day must be coming."

Sirius tried to swat the werewolf playfully, but his hand was captured. Remus bent down and gently pressed his lips to each of the pale fingertips. When he was finished, he looked up. Gray met hazel, both sets of eyes filled with equal adoration. Sirius leaned foreword and kissed Remus on the nose.

After all the time they spent together, after all the kisses, loving touches, and regular trips to each other's rooms, Remus still blushes a faint pink. Sirius can't help but laugh lovingly at the entrancing man. Remus smiles brightly, he loves the way Sirius laughs.

There is a tentative knock at the door and the two lovers quickly split apart, "Dinner is done. Are you two coming or not?"

Molly. The two men exchange a glance, Sirius winks and Remus replies, "Just a minute, Molly. I've got to finish something."

"You work to hard, dear," Molly huffs, "Don't take to long, you can always finish after you eat."

"Yes, Molly," Remus turns back to where Sirius is sitting on a tattered sofa.

"Oh, and Remus?"

"If Sirius is still asleep, would you mind taking care of him?"

Remus held back a small laugh, "Of course, Molly. I'll take _good _care of him."

"You're such a darling," Molly said as she walked towards the staircase.

"So, Messer Lupin," Sirius asked in an amused tone, "Shall we finish before or after dinner?"

"First one," Remus said pushing a black lock off his lover's forehead, "Then the other."

It was the most eloquent silence, two mouths meeting in a tender kiss. All else was quiet in the library, except for the soft _pit-pat-pit-pat _of rain against the windowpane.

Somewhere, downstairs, two plates of chicken were slowly growing cold.

**A/N: Short, pointless romance. I had to get it out of my system. Sorry if you think it's total rubbish.**

**M.**


	3. Two Sides To Every Story

**Disclaimer: It's all simple mathematics. JK Everything. Maruaderette Nothing. Also, warning for HBP spoilers, mostly just quotes and a jumbled Author's Note.**

_"But I don't care either, I don't care!" Said Tonks, seizing the front of Lupin's robes and shaking him, "I've told you a million times…"_

I'm not sure when I fell in love with Remus Lupin, nor am I sure why. For some reason he has found a tender spot in my heart and remains there. Merlin, that has to be the cheesiest thing I ever said…thought, technically.

Every since the Order was started again and I joined, I've felt this…attraction to Remus. Due to the fact that my experience in the relationship department went as far as a crush on Charlie Weasley in my third and fourth years at Hogwarts, it took me awhile to discover why that was.

It wasn't until I noticed the way Mum stares Dad with this look in her eyes that made me stick out my tongue in disgust when I was younger, did it hit me harder then a brick. I loved Remus Lupin. It was a strange realization and suddenly, I was clumsier when Remus was around, I was a bit more anxious before Order meetings, and forever trying to catch his eye.

He has the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. They're this golden brown color that is kind of like honey, but better, much better. They are warm and always friendly, but in a way closed off. I suppose Remus' eyes reflect the man he is. His eyes would sometimes glow, but I'm not sure what caused that and I haven't seen them glow since Sirius died.

Remus was terribly upset when Sirius died, I can understand why; Sirius was that last link to a happier time for Remus. A time when such things as Pettigrew's betrayal and the Potter's deaths seemed impossible. It is cruel, in my opinion, that fate or God or whatever controls how are lives go, took it all from Remus on Halloween. Friends, youth, and innocence. The innocence that we all have until someone we had knew dies and the horror that is death and grieving invades our minds. No longer something we hear or read about, but reality. But, perhaps Remus lost this innocence long before that Halloween; perhaps it was taken on the night he was bitten as a young boy.

Sorry. I'm rambling, you have no interest in my attempt at philosophy, do you? No, I'll just continue with my story.

After Sirius had died and Remus looked miserable, I made up my mind. I will tell Remus I love him and he will love me back and we'll share a passionate, but clichéd, kiss of true love. Later, we would have an elaborate wedding and live happily ever after. The idea of Remus' lycanthropy might affect my perfect plans for life never occurred to me.

One my first attempt, things did not go according to plan, I had thought up an elegant speech and had been practicing it in my mirror the night before. However, when I had plucked up the courage to find Remus, my mind went blank and I blurted out, 'I love you.' His golden eyes widened, then his gaze fell to the floor. He told me, ever so politely, that it would not work and he was incredibly sorry if he had lead me on some how, then he left.

After that, I cried for a good twenty minutes into my pillow before deciding not to give up. So, I continued to pursue Remus Lupin, telling him I loved him over and over again. Molly eventually found out and took my side, trying to set Remus and upon a date. But, Remus is a stubborn thing and would never agree, "I'm too old. Too dangerous. Too poor."

I imagine it must have hurt his pride to admit things, but his words didn't faze me. "Young, safe, and rich people are boring," I'd argue.

No change truly happened until the night Dumbledore died. When the girl, Fleur, told Molly that Bill being bitten by Greyback didn't change her feelings, something snapped. I had grabbed Remus and was shaking him, telling I didn't care either. Again he told me the same things and again I told him I didn't care.

After words, I followed him out of the Hospital Wing and cornered him in an empty corridor. I had once again planned out the eloquent words that would win Remus' heart and again, I had forgotten the words upon facing him. This time, however, I didn't say a word to Remus. Instead, I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him. Hard.

It wasn't the kiss I imagined. It wasn't soft and tender, but hard and forced, my lips pressing against his in a way that even the best romance novelist couldn't make seem loving. Remus did not want this. And I did not care. It amazes me now, the selfishness that had possessed me; to make Remus do something didn't want.

Finally, he pushed me off. I thought Remus would yell and scream. Call me names and say how I could never come near him again. I wanted him to say he loved me. And I wanted to kiss him again, I wanted him to want to kiss me and whisper things he never told anyone to me. He did neither. Remus looked at me, his gaze miserable and said, "Would you sit with me at…at the funeral?"

I agreed. When we walked down the hilly lawns on our way to where the funeral would take place, I did something I hadn't been able to in months. I turned my hair the brightest pink imaginable. I grabbed Remus' hand and he gave me a tired sort of smile. He said we would have talk after the service, I wonder what about.

_"This is…not the moment to discuss it," said Lupin, avoiding everybody's eyes as he looked around distractedly. "Dumbledore is dead…"_

I wish Nymphadora had fallen in love with someone else. She deserves better, someone her age and who is healthy. She doesn't need to take in an old werewolf who is weary from everything life has thrown at him. Besides, it would never work. I'm too damn old and I don't love her. Nymphadora is like a sister to me, sweet and a tad bit clumsy, but I could never fulfill illusions of pure love and devotion. It's nearly impossible to marry a werewolf and we're forbidden to have children, for fear that lycanthropy is hereditary. And, in a way, it would make me feel unfaithful.

We had made a promise, no matter what, but to have no one but each other. We were sixteen when we promised each other that. I remember it clearly, it was the night before full moon and the stars were bright. I had stuck to my word all my life, even when we had separated. No one slept in my bed other than myself, until we were reunited. Then, he returned to his rightful place.

When Nymphadora first told me how she felt, I was stunned. It had to be some dream, with the familiar-ness that surrounded it all. He had said the exact same thing to me, with the same bluntness, back when I was only fourteen. For a minute, Nymphadora' s face had faded away, her brown hair darkening and eyes turning into a well-known gray.

Sirius. I felt my eyes widen and quickly dropped my gaze, ashamed at myself for turning Nymphadora into her cousin. I mumbled a quick apology and then left. That, I believe, was the beginning. Nymphadora began to pursue me and I would turn her down every time, then Molly became involved. I appreciate how kind she is to me, but that woman has to learn to mind her own business.

It all came crashing down, however, the night Dumbledore died. Bill had been bitten by Fenir Greyback, the same werewolf I have to thank for the bite mark on my side. Fleur, Bill's fiancé, had gotten quite upset at Molly and announced that she didn't care about how he may be affected. This set Nymphadora off.

I was ashamed at myself. There she was telling we how much she loved me and how much she cared, and I was telling her we could never be. I didn't dare to look anyone in the eyes, they were all on her side, instead I let my eyes wander, never resting anywhere for more then a fraction of a second.

Then Hagrid came in and suddenly the attention was off me. I took the opportunity to leave. Nymphadora noticed and had followed me into the halls. When I finally noticed the sound of footsteps behind me, we were both standing in a corridor I didn't remember from my time at Hogwarts. I expected her to say the same things she had said in the Hospital Wing, but she didn't. She did something I was not prepared for.

Nymphadora Tonks kissed me. My mind raced, it was wrong, this kiss. I hated the feeling, like she was taking advantage of me, but I also felt horrible, I had broken my promise to Sirius. I couldn't kiss her. She was his cousin for God's sake! This wasn't right it had to be stopped. I had to push her off. I didn't want this. I never did.

It seemed like years before my body listened to my mind and pushed her away. She was looking at me, her eyes pleading for forgiveness and begging for more at the same time. Silently praying for Sirius to forgive me, I asked Nymphadora to sit with me during the funeral service. Her face lit up when she agreed and for a moment I hated myself for what I was planning to tell her, but quickly shook that feeling away.

As we were walking down to the funeral site, Nymphadora grabbed my hand. I looked at her, she had turned her hair pink, a sign that whatever was affecting her powers had passed. We sat quietly during the service, using each other's presence as a reason not to break down. When it is over, I lead her to a tree that sits on the edge of the lake's edge.

I opened my mouth to explain everything to her, but no words cam out. I tried again, nothing. Nymphadora gave me a curious look and I ran a hand through my gray hair, then an idea hit me. I began to search the tree, circling it carefully, studying the many initials carved into the trunk. "Remus, what are you doing?" She asked, curious amusement visible on her features.

I didn't answer, but continued my search. "Found it," I said, smiling to myself, "Come see."

She obeyed and I pointed to the letters that had been carved into the trunk years ago. R.L. with S.B. written under it, instead of the clichéd heart, a paw print was drawn around it. I looked at Nymphadora and she stared at me, a sad realization in her eyes, "You and Sirius were…together?"

"Since we were fourteen. I'm sorry," I replied, bowing my head.

A small had pushed my chin up and I was suddenly looking into Nympadora's eyes. They were smiling, "Don't be sorry. We can't decide who we fall in love with. I'll get over it and I'm sorry I put you through all of this," She bit her lip for a moment, "May I kiss you? One last time."

I did not answer, but instead, picked up her hand and kissed it. Then I left. I had fulfilled her final request and now my story in finished.

**A/N: This is as close as I'll ever get to writing Tonks/Remus. I loved Tonks in OotP, but I can't see how they would work. (Personally I ship Tonks with Charlie.) While I've seen a few well-written T/R fics, I will never understand how JKR even though of them together. (My opinion is she had been a wee bit tipsy.) But my views are probably biased since Sirius/Remus is my OTP. Oh, and if you couldn't tell the first part is Tonks' POV, the second Remus'. The italic-y parts are excperts from HBP page 624, in my opinion (Boy I have a lot of those!) HBP was like a fanfic gone wrong. Horocruxes, Dumbledore's death, Remus with Tonks? What were you thinking JKR? Were you thinking? Oh, look, I was rambling. Anyways, if you review thank you! I'm talking to you jimmy-loves-hermione! You rock my socks!**

**M.**


	4. It's Raining In London

**Disclaimer: No own, got it?**

It's raining in London. And I'm sitting by the phone. Waiting for her to give me a ring. Hoping that she will be back soon.

The clocks all start chiming, loud and echoing. It's way past six, the time Hermione is usually back from the university. She's always saying how driving on wet roads make her nervous. And it's raining really hard out tonight.

When her cell number is half dialed into to phone, the door opens. My Hermione is back. I let the phone fall onto the floor. Crookshanks looks at me with disapproval, but I don't care.

Her hair is frizzier than usually, but it's still gorgeous. Hermione's cheeks are tinted pink, probably from the cold. Then I notice a droplet of rainwater slid across her cheek and down her throat. I want to lick it off.

I take a step closer, she is still talking. When did she begin? "Traffic was horrid today," She explains. I'm not really listening.

She apologizes for being late again. I don't say anything. I don't have too. Through our secret language of eyes, she knows all is forgiven.

My arms wrap around her waist and I pull her body to mind. She is so soft, but cold from the miserable weather. The feeling of damp fabric is on my neck as she embraces me. It is our private ritual.

We stay like this a moment. Her cheek against my own. My forehead resting in her soft hair. I marvel at how our bodies match up and slid together, perfect and one.

I kiss that spot, where neck and shoulder meet. The place that is sensitive and is just so perfect for kissing. Hermione gives a little sigh and runs her finger through my hair. It's unimaginable, how content you can be in a person's arms.

I shift and press her lip to mine. It's like ecstasy and passion with a touch of tenderness and warmth mixed in, all stirred with plenty of love. "Wearing those cold clothes will make you ill," I whisper. "It'd be best if you took them off."

She grins wickedly and I imagine I grin back. Soon it's all kisses and touches, but we eventually make it to the bedroom. It's raining again in London. So I'll stay inside under the blankets, where it's warm, with my Hermione.

**A/N: Yeah, um, this is just a random fic right here. I'm not even sure of the pairing, so Hermione/Who Ever You Please. Ta.**

**M.**


	5. Breaking Tradition

**Declaimer: In the words of my friend, S.O.B. (Sunrise Over Boston), "Couldn't own them, so I kidnapped them. I hid them in my closet like every other fangirl. How do you like them apples JKR?"**

**A/N: S.O.B, see above, sent me a list of one hundred prompts. I agreed to write a fic and original story for each one. Yeah, I'm insane. Anyway, prompt 001/100, '_First'_.**

Sirius Black feels like he is about to wet himself with nerves. It is his first year at Hogwarts and the sorting is about to begin. Though he is relieved to see that instead of having to endure terrible curses like Bellatrix said, Sirius wishes that he didn't have to be sorted in front of the whole school.

All too soon, the woman who had introduced herself as Professor McGonagall called out, "Black, Sirius."

Trying hard not to look as terrified as he felt, Sirius walked up and sat on the stool. The hat was slipped onto his head and a voice began to croon in his ear, "_Another Black, eh?_"

Sirius nodded and the voice continued, "_All the Blacks have been in Slytherin, but you know this already. However, this is not the time to talk of your relatives. No, today I must pick where you shall go. A sharp mind, brimming with plans, but not for self gain…but mischievous? Quite odd indeed, considering your family. Well boy, time for break tradition. Yes, you belong in…_GRYFFINDOR!"

Sirius' eyes widened in shock as the hat was lifted of his head. Slowly, he slipped off the stool and towards the scarlet and gold encrusted table, from with roars of applause erupted. Imagine that, not only was he the first Black in a house other than Slytherin, but a Gryffindor. Amazing.


	6. Always Last

**Disclaimer: I don't own Remus. Or Sirius. Or anyone else. But it's the lack of the pups that hurts me the most.**

Remus Lupin never was one never one to be punctual. Yes, he did try, but it is like some divine force has made it so he is always late. This had proved to be a problem for him during his school years. In fact, many of his detentions had not been for pranks but arriving after the bell. So, half way through his second year, Remus began to set his watch half an hour early. Even then, he would be one of the last students in to their seats.

Remus was also not an athlete. He was awkward on a broom and didn't grasp the concept of Muggle sports. On the few occasions he agreed to race around the Quidditch Pitch with his friends, he would always come in last. He would prefer to be reading anyway.

Remus had belonged to a close group of friends. The quartet had originated when James and Sirius, who knew each other from a few Pureblood parties, became best friends a few weeks into first year. Then, Peter had joined when he'd crashed into Snape during flying lessons. Sirius declared it the wickedest thing he'd ever seen. Remus was last to join. The quiet bookworm, he wasn't given any attention until someone had levitated Slughorn's hairpiece during the middle of class. It was Peter who had caught him staring at the Potions professor, unblinking. And so, with the final addition, the Marauders were complete.

And now, Remus lies in bed, asleep. He is no longer a boy that is constantly late for class. Nor is he a boy whose only athletic ability is the fact he can carry loads of books and still keep his good posture. Remus Lupin is an old man. He watched as the war was finished and he was only a few feet away when Ron Weasly killed Peter. Harry had somehow came out victorious and now had children of his own. Remus regrets nothing, not even the fact that his ring finger remains bare.

As dawn grows closer, his breathing slows and his sleep has slipped into one that will last forever. He has lived his life to the fullest and now he can go.

Remus Lupin will wake up, in a way, to Sirius saying, "Always were the last one, eh Moony?"

**A/N: I really hated the original version of this chapter/drabble, so I rewrote it. The prompt is still '_Last_' and I hope I did a better job this time, though I'm still not satisfied.**


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